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Go to host.
Host
So, tell us what's so special about $5 delivery?
Cut to satanist. Subtitle: Coven Leader, San Juan branch, United Church of Satan.
Satanist
You know, it's hard to keep a steady job when you're up all night dancing naked around dead goats and singing praise to his darkness. So often the only money we have to work with is what we get from the virgins we sacrifice. Naturally, virgins are getting rare and much younger, so when we do get a hold of one, she usually just has lunch money for school.
Host
So your budget isn't very big?
Satanist
Exactly, we have to cut all the fat - figuratively speaking that is - anyhow, at Bruce's Easy Rent, for only $5 down, we can get anything we need delivered. From a new alter to a TV to watch our home movies to a vacuum to clean up the mess after a really rowdy sacrifice. And the prices are low, low, I mean low. So we don't have a problem keeping up on our limited budget.
Cut to host with audience.
question from audience
What about the wear and tear on the merchandise?
Satanist
Hey, we take good care of our stuff, we aint animals ya know. But if something breaks Bruce's will fix it for free, and if we mutilate something, by accident of course, we can just take it back and rent something else. $5 delivers!