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The Cynical Libertarian Society
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The Cynical Libertarian Society
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Monday, 20 January, 1997. I had an orgasm. In public. At a table in Just Baked (my favorite bagel place). Lucky I wasn't arrested for breaking any sex laws. Allow me to explain.
The feeling started when I read in the 6 December 1996 Mirror (communist publication of UNC & endless source of amusement for me) the story of the third sexual assault on the UNC campus. Here are the details: 17 year old high school girl, grabbed and forced into a vehicle in the L parking lot, 5:30 pm, 15 November, threatened with a knife, sexually assaulted. Further, there was some concern as there had been three reported sexual assaults in the last four months, and none of them had been solved.
Well, I live for this kind of stuff. My three brain cells ('cause that's all I need to deal with matters this silly) kicked into action. The feeling in my groin began to stir.
Question: Why was this high school girl in the L parking lot at 5:30, doesn't she have homework or something? Answer: She probably wasn't there, and public schools don't give homework, it's bad for self esteem.
Question: Why did no one see her pulled into this Jeep Cherokee by this 6'5", 230 lb man and sexually assaulted? Don't Jeep Cherokees have a bunch of windows? Answer: No one saw because it didn't happen.
Question: Why did she wait 2 weeks to report this assault? Answer: If she reported it within say 24 hours, the police would look for physical evidence of intercourse (naturally there would be none), the police would also look for witnesses (naturally there would be none). By waiting 2 weeks she eliminated the possibility of evidence being "not found" thus reveling her Clinton, opps, I mean her lie. Also, this insured that no witness could be found who would contradict her story. Who is going to remember if they were in the L parking lot at 5:30 pm 2 weeks ago? No one.
Question: Why is she Clintoning, I mean lying? Answer: She wants attention.
Question: Why is this being reported as truth when it's obvious that it's a Clinton? Why doesn't The Mirror ask the questions that I was asking? Answer: The staff of the Mirror wants it to be true. No where in the article do they question anything, yet I'm certain that these people consider themselves "serious journalist" who will stop at nothing to get to the truth. So long as the truth conforms to their vision of the world, that being: men are evil sexist pigs who rape women, women are innocent virginal victims.
Well, time came, time went, I stuck this article up on my wall so that when it was proven she was pulling a Clinton I could reflect that I was, yes you know it, right again. Well, on the Monday morning in question, as I stuffed a bagel down my fat mouth I turned to page two (side note, remember, the original article about the rape was on page one, this is on page two. I wonder why???) there was the headline. Investigation finds campus rape bogus. The orgasm ran through my body. I nearly fell out of my chair. She was sexually active, thought she might be pregnant, and was scared to tell momma. "Thought" she was pregnant? She didn't know? I've never used one, but the instructions to a home pregnancy test can not possibly be that complex. Oh wait, I forgot, she goes to publik skool. I can't expect much.
I had intended, after reading the original story, to write a letter to The Mirror, explaining all that I have above stated so that when this Clinton was uncovered I could send them another letter saying "told you so". Unfortunately I was too lazy to get around to it. I have kicked myself in the butt so many times for that . . .
Anyhow, I can now take a quick flashback into a time even longer ago. The first rape which occurred this past semester at UNC. At 5:00 pm, Monday, between Gray Hall and Gunter Hall a woman was pulled into the bushes and raped at gun point.
Questions the media should have asked:
Originally the rape reportedly took place at 5:30 pm, at least that's what the early reports said. What happened to the 30 minuets? If 30 minutes was missing out of the Nixon tapes it would be a crisis. But in a rape case, no one seems to notice.
Where are all those people who are usually walking up and down that side walk on Monday at 5:00 pm?
Has anyone noticed there are no bushes between Gray and Gunter Halls? There are bushes near this area, on other sides of each of these buildings, but not between them.
Is the victim Clintoning?
Did The Mirror inaccurately report the time and location?
In a society where asking these sort of questions makes one "sexist", in a society where pointing out inconsistency makes one a "hatemonger", in a society where simply seeking the truth makes one "evil", ignorance will prevail.