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last updated: 25 JUL 04

Skippy Gets Right To The Point

10 June, 2000: I often read the op-ed pieces in the paper & magazines, and sometimes I wonder if these people have any sense. You see, they go on and on and on, until they start to froth at the mouth and fall over backwards. I find it hard to do that. When you are both brilliant and concise it’s hard to talk about any subject for more than a few sentences. Observe below.

Newspaper headline: Sting shows teens still able to buy cigarettes.
No shit? You haven’t stopped them from getting beer, you are going to cut off their tobacco supply?

Newspaper headline: Ford admits SUVs aren’t environmentally friendly.
No shit?

Newspaper headline: Xerox names woman to be president.
She got the job because she is a woman, otherwise why would this be news? More on this subject a bit later.

Newspaper headline: Army finds no wrongdoing in gulf war.
No shit? And if they did find some, what? They are going to tell someone?

Newspaper headline: Lawsuit planned over Columbine teachers death. Case to focus on officers’ response, as well as delay in rescue, treatment.
Now really, just because a bunch of overpaid wanna be commandos with body armour and automatic weapons cowered in fear outside for 2 to 3 hours (depending on who you ask) while two 17 year old kids with a few small arms killed a bunch of children.... Don’t you think this is over reacting. What is more important here, the safety of children or the safety of the Gestapo agents?

Newspaper headline: 13-year study finds no link between deaths from cancer, accident at Three Mile Island.
No shit? Those of us who know anything about science & don’t believe the media have known this for a long time.

More tales of stupidity in the media:

In Denver a 17-month old child fell off a countertop and impaled himself on a steak knife in an open dishwasher door. His father put him up there on the countertop. If you are putting your child on the countertop over the dishwasher, are you really smart enuf to be a parent? Here’s my idea, give this man charge of Alien Gonzolaz and cut the phone lines so he can’t dial 911 when Alien gets hurt. Alien dies, idiot father goes into grief and commits suicide. Two problems solved.

On the subject of Alien Gonzolaz, or what ever his name is, this is too easy. Look kids, he is not an American citizen, his mother was not, his father is not. We have no right to hold him in this country. When Americans are held in other countries we call them hostages. It doesn’t matter if his country of origin in the “evil” Cuba. He is not an American. This is so simple. The stupidity here is mind numbing. What it all boils down to is the fact that his relatives in “Little Havana” are pimping him. Can you say child exploitation?

Mr. Mushi Pardhan was making money. Naturally Coke had to try and put a stop to that. See, Mr. Pardhan (who lives in Canada) bought cases of coke and shipped them to Honk Kong and Japan where he sold them, making a profit. Apparently as much as $4.8 million a year. Coke didn’t like this and took him to court. Shock of shock, the Canadian court system told Coke to stuff it saying Mr. Pardhan had “bought and sold the product legally”. Finally, common sense rears it’s head. The lawyers for Coke were “disappointed”, but will still get paid large amounts of money, so I’m sure a new BMW will ease the pain. The Coke spokesman said that the company is “worried about unsupervised shipping and handling hurts the quality of its product”. Yea, that and the fact that you are not getting a cut of the profit.

The Navy, beginning with its Virginia class subs which will start service in 2004, will allow women to serve submarine duty. Vickie McCall, chairman of some idiotic navel advisory panel said “There are women who would really like to be on a submarine”. Well, I would “really like” to have sex with Heidi Klum. I don’t see the Navy bringing her to my house. I think instead of worrying about what women want, we should consider creating an armed forces which can win wars, which includes killing people without discussing your feelings.

The Fort Collins newspaper / rag often features op-ed pieces from the locals. Comments based on two such recent offerings:

Miriam Denmark is bemoaning the loss of local business (spurred by the recent close of Stone Lion bookstore) due to corporate business. She mentions “our culture’s complete lack of patience with anything less than the immediate”. (I wonder, does this have anything to do with too much computer & internet time, or with being spoiled by parents & politicians?) On shopping at the Stone Lion she states that “the point is only partly to buy a book, for the looking is an experience in itself” and goes on to point out that B&N isn’t the same, and this doesn’t work at all on the internet. She also goes on about how local business keeps the wealth local, instead of shipping it off to corporate headquarters in Los Angles. Well, Miriam, I hate to tell you this, but you are absolutely right. Your flaw is thus: You have failed to realise that you are surrounded by idiots.
Yes, they do want it all & want it all right now. No, they don’t care about the local economy. No, they don’t understand the experience of looking for a book and making discoveries along the way. They are stupid, boring sheep, products of publik edukasun & government/media/advertising propaganda. But they do have an advantage over us Miriam, numbers. One on one we could destroy their feeble asses. After all, how hard is it to have a battle of intelligence with an unarmed opponent, but we are few, they are many. They also control the government, which has guns and can force us to obey bad laws. So you see my dear, as they dig the hole, we slide in with them, and so it will continue until the revolution finally comes.
On the other hand, the giants like Walmart and such do have their function & place. I spend money at the superstores about once a month, and supermarkets are the bomb. I don’t want to do all my grocery shopping at mom & pop stores, as that type of establishment can not support the wide variety found at a supermarket. As with most things, moderation is the key. Sometimes the superstores save us from being fleeced as well. Take for example Western Camera downtown. I got a roll of 24 colour prints processed & printed there. It was $12. The same thing would have been about $7 at Kmart. Maybe not such a great difference you think, but when you process lots of film, it adds up. On top of that, Western Camera is hardly a unique or intellectual atmosphere like Stone Lion was. Just because a business is located downtown, or locally owned does not mean it deserves any support. Local business can still suck.

Now, for something completely different. A local who is really dumb, and someone even dumber than him.
John A Wolfe wrote concerning the fact that we have a problem with cigarette sales. See, people have to buy smokes so the tobacco companies can pay the lawsuits which finance lawyers, BMWs and social engineering, yet at the same time our fascist government is trying to get people to stop smoking. Thus, the much needed money is being drained away. He offered a solution to this problem.
Buy cigarettes, but don’t actually smoke them. In fact, Wolfe suggested taking these cigarettes and dropping them off at the local junior high so that kids can start smoking, get addicted, and continue the revenue cycle.
Now, the tale of greater stupidity. While I think Wolfe is an idiot, it’s pretty evident that he is employing sarcasm. Hopefully you can recognise this. If not, you better leave my web site right now, ‘cause you will be in deep shit. Anyhowz, while at work recently I was hanging out with the telephone operators and some idiot called the hospital ranting & raving about this op-ed piece. The in-duh-vidual in question had called under the impression that Wolfe works at the hospital, and maybe he does, I don’t know. He was very upset that someone would suggest giving squares to jr high kids (personally, I favour making them pay for the smokes. No one bought my smokes for me when I was in jr high.) and was going on to the operator about how he had called the newspaper and called his congressman and so forth. Hey, dumb shit! It’s called sarcasm!

When I become dictator of the world, people this dumb will be put to death.

Oh yea, one last tale of stupid locals that I almost forgot. Some bimbette named Kathy Kruse wrote to the paper and expressed her opinion that a recent killing of 60 prairie dogs was mass murder and actually compared this to the holocaust. So for all you Jews out there (and gypsies and homosexuals and whomever else) who survived the concentration camps, seems you could have just gone ahead and died. You are the same thing as a big rodent that lives in the dirt. People like Kathy are one more reason that I think there should be an intelligence test to vote. The really sad thing is, I’m sure the dumb broad believes this smack. Of course, hats off to the idiots who decided to print this crap. It’s a sad cycle of stupid people & stupid people.

There is a great comic called The Boondocks, by Aaron McGruder. While I don’t always agree with his politics, it is still good stuff to read (tho the greatest political strip is still the late Bloom County). In one of the recent strips Heuy as Mr. Petto, his teacher, “How much do you get paid for this? I mean, how much do you make to keep the masses ignorant and stagnate the mental growth of the youth to ensure they never rebel against the system? Basically, what is the going rate for your soul?” The answer of course is “32,625 dollars and 27 cents a year, before taxes”.
Never was a more accurate assessment of public education made. Some people wonder if public education is working. It is working perfect. You simply have to keep in mind what its purpose is. Public education exist in order to create citizens who are too stupid to question the actions of the government. I would say it is working perfectly.

Now, one final rant before I close this out & start another one. Lately I have been thinking about women in the workplace, and how they want to be on top (which is where I like my women truth be told) and how they want aspects of the work place changed, such as no porn mags or calendar girls. Well, my thoughts are this. Take for example AT&T. Some men got together, had an idea, started a business in their garage and after years & generations of work & labour (by mostly men until recently) women show up and say “take those pictures down” and “don’t tell dirty jokes” and “I want to be CEO”. They expect everything to be handed over to them just because they show up. Well ya know what bitch, if you want so much, if you don’t like how men act in the work place, go to your garage and start your own business. Once again women show they can not do for themselves, they simply leach off the accomplishments of men.