True Tales of In-duh-viduals: The Skip Dogg Experience.
Finally, I have reached the level of inspiration that I must begin to record the exploits of the in-duh-viduals around me. First off, if you don't know what an in-duh-vidual is, then you may be one. If you see yourself on this page, don't come crying to me.
And these are all true tales. Trust me.
I don't need to make this up, you people make it up for me.
For more real life stupidity, check out these selections from the CSU Police Reports.
These make the students, the CSU police, CSU itself and everyone else look stupid.
This was actually said by Marvin Warren "Henry" Aldridge, a state representative, from what state I'm not sure. What is really amazing is that when I read this I thought he said it like in 1940 or something. No, this was uttered in 1995. Hold on to your hat kids.....
"The facts show that people who are raped, who are truly raped, the juices don't flow, the body functions don't work, and they don't get pregnant."
I *AM NOT* making this up.
I have a co-worker (I use the word "work" losely) who does nothing and comes up with the most amazing excuses (which management always believes). He used another classic just today -- this one has worked for him before. He didn't notice I wasn't at work (I had taken a vacation day). There are only 4 people in our department. One day no one other than him showed up for work until 11 am. He didn't do any work because he didn't notice no one else showed up. He's on the fast track for an administration position.
At PVH we are building some new units. Every room has to have a room number on the door jam. Well, the door jams are painted a sort of cream colour, so naturally someone who is paid much more than I am decided that the numbers on the door jams should be white. White on cream. Very visable. For once the Fire Marshal said "what the hell?" and told them they have to change it. We are getting black numbers now. What is sad is that management had to be told this.
Over at StarPac we had 2 time clocks. One hadn't worked since I had been there & was never used. The other was the one we used each day. One day I was up by the clocks at about 10pm and this woman who works there (probably promoted by now) comes over and looks at the two clocks, one of which says 5 'til 10 or so, the other (a digital display) reads "6:66". She then looks at me and ask "which one is the right time?"
At the dialysis clinic we had a female boss who was just like the pointy haired boss in Dilbert. In the reuse room Collin put up a bunch of Dilbert strips on the wall. Well Kristy (the boss) brought a bunch of "big-wigs" (dip shits) thru and they saw it. Of course all the strips were about that clinic & the people and she know it. Kristy had a fit and banned Dilbert strips. We then put the Dilbert strip where the pointy haired boss bans comic strips in the workplace on her desk. Kristy was not amused. We were.
Also at the dialysis clinic, one of the nuseres was picking up a needle off the floor and stuck herself in the finger. That is hard enuf to do, but she didn't stop there. No one knew which patient the needle had been in, so it was double important to test her for any contamination - that means taking blood samples for testing. She didn't bother to get tested. To her it was no big deal.
Meanwhile, at Pouder Valley Hospital (here after PVH), I got a call one day that a fax machine wasn't working right. So I went up to check it out. Turns out the fax worked fine. Problem was someone kept answering the phone at the other end. I figured the nurses had the wrong number, so I called the number they were faxing to so I could get the right number. The conversation went like this:
her: Hello.
me: Hi, have you been getting calls for the last 30 minutes or so that make fax noises in your ear?
her: Yes.
me: That's what I thought. We are trying to send you a fax, can you tell me what your fax number is?
her: (she gives me the same number I just called)
me: So this is your fax number?
her: Yes.
me: Then why do you keep answering the phone. We are trying to send you a fax!
her: I don't understand what you are talking about. Let me find someone else.
me: I think not. (click)
I relayed this to the nursing staff then left. One of the nurses must have called and explained to this doctors secretary how to operate a fax.
On the subject of faxes, our pharmacy department called one day that a fax was out of toner. I went up to find out what kind of fax I was dealing with. The people up there told me (I am not making this up) it wasn't their fax that needed toner. It was the fax in surgical department. All the faxes from surgical were coming out blank, so they must be out of toner. I just nodded my head and left.
IS people really trip me out. All of this happened in one week. Our "applications specialist" (a drunk who telecommutes from the bar, shows up at 10:00 and leaves at 1:00 and has installed WinNT on the same 2 computers about 20 times) needed 4 network connections in his office. So I hooked up 2 more lines and called the IS person who was dealing with this. Told him it was done and asked if that was it or did he need to do anything on his side. "No" he said, "it's all taken care of." Okie-dokie. Well, 2 weeks later they still couldn't get it to work. I was accused on not punching the wires down right. So, after testing them out and making my supervisor watch me, I pointed out to everyone within hearing range that the network connections would probably work really well if someone would plug them in at the fiber hub. Naturally, an IS in-duh-vidual and an applications specialist couldn't figure this out on their own. Naturally, I am not a team player.
Same week, same IS in-duh-vidual (IS-IDV) calls me to fix a network jack. He doesn't acutally tell me what is wrong with it. After all, I am psychic so I can gather this information just by laying hands on the jack. So I go there and the plug has been knocked back in the wall. Thinking this was the problem I fixed it, plugged in the computer and started to leave. Being the nice guy that I am, I decided to log on the computer just to make sure it worked. Well, it didn't. So I went to as the IS-IDV if there was anything which would prevent me from logging on to this computer so I could determine if the cable needed to be checked. After asking this simple yes/no question I received a lecture on how to do my job (remember, this is the same guy who doesn't know you have to plug in a patch cord to the fiber hub) during which one thing he said to me was (i am not making this up) "you mean you are going to test the connction by trying to log on with the computer?" Yes, and when I want to test my car to see if it starts, I usually do that by trying to start the car. Wow, I never realized how stupid I am until now. Of course, this is all my fault. Had my psychic powers been working I would have known that the connection was bad & that was what I was suppose to be fixing. How dare I expect someone to actually give me details about the problem.
Same IS-IDV, same week, I go off-site to "test network connections" in an office. Well, to make a long story short, they needed 3 connections in an office. The IS-IDV saw an empty jack in the wall and just plugged into it, thinking it was going to work. Had he be capable of using a screwdriver he could have removed the wall plate to see that there was no wire attached to the jack. Once again let me stress -- there has to be a connection between the jack and the fiber hub. The network is not wireless. Of course, the work order didn't tell me they needed 3 jacks, it just said to test the jack that existed. Lucky for me my psychic ability was working that day so I was able to figure out what was going on.
On a side note, I installed this 3rd jack so they could put a printer in this office. A printer which the people who use the office didn't even want in there. Good to know management cares about what the employees want.
Another call from our Pharmacy. The fax isn't working. Hmmm... I wonder if that message on the display that says "door open" could be a clue?
Then I got a call from one of the nursing units. They needed help putting paper in a fax. Not in a happy mood I went up there. I think my annoyance was evident as no one would come in the room with me. Once I determined they actually didn't even have any paper I went down to get some from PBX, went back up, pulled out the tray, put some paper in it, closed the tray and stormed off. How can you make it thru nursing school and never be exposed to a fax machine?
All images and writing copyright On The Fly Photography / Skippy, except where noted. These images may not be used for public display, altered or displayed on another web site without my permission. These essays, poetry & other forms of written word may be printed & distributed on paper so long as my e-mail address & web page address are on the paper.
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