Please take the following Manliness Assessment.....
  
1) In the company of females, intercourse should be referred 
   to as:
    a. lovemaking
    b. screwing
    c. the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town 
  
2) You should make love to a woman for the first time only after 
   you've both shared:
    a.  your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
    b.  your blood-test results
    c.  five tequila slammers  

3)  You time your orgasm so that:
     a.  your partner climaxes first
     b.  you both climax simultaneously
     c.  you don't miss SportsCenter  

4)  Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
     a.  healthy, creative love-play
     b.  not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever 
         agree to
     c.  not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever
         find out about
  
5)  Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had 
    sex with is:
     a.   the best part of the experience
     b.   the second best part of the experience
     c.   $100 extra

6)  Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. 
    You tell her that it is:
     a.   no concern of yours
     b.   not a problem, she can join your gym
     c.   a conservative estimate   
  
7)  You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
     a.   a myth
     b.   an oxymoron
     c.   a moron
    
8)  Foreplay is to sex as:
     a.  appetizer is to entree 
     b.  primer is to paint
     c.  a line is to an amusement park ride

9)  Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself
    saying at the end of a relationship:
     a.  "I hope we can still be friends"
     b.  "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the 
          beep"
     c.  "Welcome to Dumpsville; population, YOU."

10) A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
     a. probably needs a little more time before she can cope
        with that sort of intimacy
    b.  is uptight and a waste of time
    c.  shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first
        place    
  
Evaluating the results:
  
If you answered "a" more than 7 times, check your pants to make
sure you really are a man.
  
If you answered "b" more than 7 times, check into therapy,
you're more than a little confused. 
 
If you answered "c" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!"