Mary had a little skirt
Split right up the sides.
And every time she wore that skirt
The boys could see her thighs.
She also had another skirt
Split right up the front,
....................But she never wore that one.
How many animals can you fit into a pair of tights?
10 Little piggies,
2 Calves,
1 Ass,
1 Pussy,
1 Beaver,
An unknown number of hares,
And one dead fish no one can find.
What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.
What do you get when you cross a nun with a PC?
A computer that will never go down on you.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an alter boy.
What is the difference between Jurassic Park and IBM?
One is a theme park dominated by dinosaurs, the other is a Stephen Spielberg film.
What do you call two skunks having a 69?
Odour Eaters.
How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Phone her.
Why does an elephant have four feet?
Because six inches isn't long enough.
What's the worst thing about being a test-tube baby?
You know your dad's a wanker.
How do you make a dog drink?
Put it in a blender.
Why aren't blondes good cattle herder's?
Because they can't keep their calves together.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
We really do taste like chicken!
How can you tell if a valentine card is from a leper?
The tongue's still in the envelope.
What's the definition of Trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blow job.
What do you call a fish with no eyes ?
Fsh.
Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It's not very bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy
Why do they call it PMS?
Because 'Mad Cow Disease' is already taken.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
What's the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker.
What's the difference between a queer and a deep freeze?
The deep freeze doesn't fart when you take the meat out.
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