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I hardly know where to start, but let me try.
Acting: There was none.
Let me derail my train of thought for a moment here. It’s pretty obvious that this is an attempt to play on 2001 A Space Odyssey. Fine, I can live with that. However.... (you knew this was coming didn’t you) try to come up with some original take will you. This movie was the same idea as an episode of The Outer Limits that I say about a year and a half ago. It was old then, it’s still old.
2001 used lots of visuals with sparse dialogue and accurate portrayals of space travel to get its message across. MtM has long drawn out & totally boring scenes which are suppose to be character development. The opening party, all the flashbacks, the “home movie”, and the ridiculous dance scene in the ship. Contrast this with 2001 where we learn more about the characters from what they don’t say, from their nonverbal reactions. When they speak it’s for a real reason. In MtM the characters talk simply because it’s in the script.
The MtM technology was mostly accurate. However, yet again someone needs to be reminded that there is no sound in space.
On the subject of sound, that sound you heard in the cinema while watching this movie was me screaming. What’s up with the “main” character and the makeup? He is wearing eyeshadow by god. Not only that, but his lipstick (lipstick????) changes from red to pink halfway thru the movie.
Back to the silliness. When the ship gets hit by the micrometeors:
1. The micrometeors concept is accurate, so was the decompression. It would be a slow leak as portrayed.
2. So the ship is decompressing. Dip-Dung doesn’t get his spare helmet because “there isn’t time”. What? But there is time to die from a brain haemorrhage caused by decompression right? Or to pass out due to oxygen starvation. Good thinking space cadet.
3. After they plug the hole Junior outside the ship is going to check for more damage, but oh wait, can’t do that now. We have to make the burn (course adjustment by firing thrusters in case you didn’t know). So forget checking for damage, I’ll come on in. First off, not checking the ship after an impact with micrometeors is retarded (like some of the people I work with). Second, does it really take 3 people to complete the procedure? If one person dies, they can’t operate the ship? He can stay outside to look for damage, the others can make the burn. As long as Junior is in contact with the ship when the burn occurs he will stay with it. More on inertia & thrust in just a moment.
4. The ship blows up. Sound in space. Yeah. The fuel leak was good, But - since the fuel that leaked out of the ship has the same inertia as the ship, it would not fall behind and get caught in the engine blast. It would continue at the same speed as the ship until the ship changed speed. On top of this, once again we see the ignorance of the “Star Trek / space is an ocean” view. Ever notice how in Star Trek the ships are always “right side up” in regards to each other? They have a front & a back, and the engines are always in the back.?
Here is a quick primer for you. You can not fly a ship in space with engines in the back, behind you so to speak, like you drive a car on the road with wheels. There is no “steering” in space. In MtM we see the ship approaching Mars. It was stated they have to make a burn to achieve orbit or they will over shoot. If they are going to overshoot this implies either they are going too fast & must reduce speed, or they are on the wrong approach & must correct their course. Either way, these actions can not be accomplished by applying thrust in the direction of travel. Further, you don’t wait until you are on top of the planet to make course adjustments. The further away you are from the gravity well corrections are made, the easier they are. So we will assume (dangerous thing to do) they are not totally stupid & need to slow the ship. When they make the burn, the engines are “behind” them. Thus, all they will actually do is increase their speed. You have to pitch or yaw the ship so the thrusters are facing your direction of travel and then make the burn, thus slowing the ship. This would be done with the reaction control thrusters. Maybe this is why it’s called science-fiction. I don’t know.
5. Anyhow, Junior & Company blow the ship. Time to evacuate. Since there are 4 of them, they take one EVA unit. Now, is this because they were stupid enuf to only put one EVA unit on the ship? Or are Junior & Company really that dumb. Trying to make it to the ERV is a big chance (but a good plan considering the alternative - and I’d have done the same thing) but to try this with one EVA? Not leaving much room for error are you? And that is why Junior had to make the big burn to catch the ERV. At this point science is tossed out with the bath water so that we can have a “chick flick scene”. A damn boring one at that. I was happy when Junior killed himself ‘cause it was finally over.
Now, I was going to do a whole explanation of inertia, mass, physics & such in zero gee. But I really don’t have time for that. Let me just give you the short version.
Junior bounces off the ERV. Right. Moves away from it. Right. Then stops at a fixed distance from it. Wrong! Why did he stop? There is nothing there to stop him. Junior would have kept right on going, same velocity, away from the ERV. Never to be seen again. As best I could tell from what I saw, he stopped, or at least slowed down significantly. At the velocity at which he lost contact with the ERV he should have been out of sight pretty quick.
Let’s assume, for the sake of me further showing the idiocy at work here, that he did stop accelerating relative to the ERV (remember everything is moving in relation to Mars). The Bimbo could not rescue him because she had used 50% of her fuel and was at the “point of no return”. God this is dumb. Ok, for people who have never been in space.....
First off, between the 3 people there, they had enuf fuel to go get Junior (assuming he was stationary relative to the ERV, which as I’ve said, would not happen). Probably only 2 of them needed to go out to get him. It will take:
X amount of fuel to make a burn to move in his direction. Distance doesn’t matter, only velocity. If you burn X-20 amount of fuel you can still travel the same distance. There is no resistance, thus you do not loss velocity. Burning X+20 amount only means you get there faster. So, you burn X amount of fuel to catch up with Junior. How fast you have to get there depends on how much suit time you have left (determined by oxygen supply, battery power, etc.).
To slow down and not overshoot Junior takes X amount of fuel also. X+20 and you will reverse your course, X-20 and you will slow down but keep going. Unless - they wanted to get rid of some of the stuff in the ERV. Grab a box and take it with you. Every action has a reaction of equal force in the opposite direction. When it’s time to slow down, throw the box hard as you can away from you, in the direction of travel. This will transfer the opposing force to you & slow you down. Will this stop you or slow you or reverse you all depends on your original velocity, but it will have the effect of saving you fuel.
Anyhow, now that Bimbo has caught up with Junior and slowed down. They don’t have to work hard to get back to the ERV. All Junior and Bimbo have to do is slow down enuf that the ERV is moving faster than they are, then make sure they are in it’s path, and it will come to them. Damn people, this is not rocket science.
Oh wait. Actually it is rocket science.
Prior to this, the four people already on Mars got themselves into heap big trouble when three of them got killed in the tornado. Now I’m all about scientific curiosity, but come on kids. Up to the point where the rocks started flying I was good with it all. But, when you are in a pressure suit on another planet, and the wind gets so strong that rocks are starting to move thru the air, this is your cue to get you dumb ass into the rover and beat it. Note to space explorers, you can’t be curious if you are dead. Just an observation.
When Dip-Dung and company enter the face we go thru the old routine of “is it safe to breath the air / don’t take off your helmet”. Yawn. If the aliens know your genetic structure, I think it’s safe to assume they can figure out what your atmospheric needs are. Then, after all is explained and Dip-Dung is in the cylinder about to be whisked away he panics as the water begins to engulf him. Bone head, don’t you think if they were going to kill you it would have been done by now? It was pretty evident to those of us in the audience with brains (but not enuf of said to avoid this movie) that his is oxygenated water in order to cushion your bone head against the excessive g-forces of the upcoming journey. Looks like in the future, like the present, our astronauts will be selected on basis of race, gender and sexual preference (much like today) in order to assure equality. Intelligence must not be a factor. MtM had all the required people. A black guy (pretty smart except for when he let his crew get killed), females (not even cute - what is the point?), foreigners (politically incorrect word), a homosexual (I mean come on, lipstick, I don’t care if he was married - bi sexual at the least), and a stupid token white man (the commander of the rescue mission). The tech guy on the rescue mission is the only one of the group I would let on my space craft.
Am I being picky about the technical details? You bet your ass I am - I pick all sci-fi apart. Star Trek (especially TNG & those after when we should have known better) just kills me, even tho I love TOS. MtM bills tries to be “realistic”, and fails. Am I pissed ‘cause I expected to see some acting & some original ideas? You bet your ass I am. Skip Dogg says this: Put all existing copies of this movie on a rocket & send ‘em to Mars. Better yet, to the sun for the flaming death this movie deserves.
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